I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i out mim tonsoeep
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