everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
