My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
