shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
