Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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