There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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