My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
