She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
"it" just moved
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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