We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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