K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize