Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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