if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
