On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
