If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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