Slut skills are useful in every country.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
