the new term for farting is butt boxing.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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