He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
