I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
