haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
