And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
