dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You pole danced in your parka.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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