the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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