i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
