It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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