Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
