I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
