How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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