Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
