if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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