it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
