I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
