here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
