he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
