Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
