And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
