you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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