dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
