Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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