my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
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How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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