btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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