It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
