I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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