Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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