so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
