And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
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Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
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The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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