um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
