I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think your dad took our porno
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
