Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
