you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
