I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
