You work out of a Hotel?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
