There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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