His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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