my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
