Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
