Your tits are I can't wait for
Someone shit on the floor
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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