You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
