she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
