Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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