ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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