I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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