i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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