He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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