yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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