We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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