just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
