Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
