We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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