I looked at my own cervix.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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