You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
