I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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