Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He did a backflip because drugs
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