first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I want her autograph on my taint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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