they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
