The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
