I puked a lego.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize