Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
