Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
